In a Perfect World:

Wait for it


by Leeanne Seaver

Ten times a day something happens to me like this - some strengthening throb of amazement - some good sweet empathic ping and swell. This is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.

~ Mary Oliver

daneSelfie-Awareness: Dane & me

One of my BFFs texted me early one morning with an out-of-the-blue announcement, "Something spectacular is going to happen to you today. I feels it in my boneses. Not only do I have hope for you, I have confidence that I do not hope in vain."  This BFF is really everything you want in a BFF as you can see.

Then he checked in with me midday, “Anything yet?” I said I was waiting with confidence. He wrote, “The birds are all singing your name. I don’t know what’s up, but I think it’s big. REAL big. Biggest thing to ever hit Mayberry and deliciously good. Melted chocolate and fresh strawberries good.”

So later at my daughter’s play rehearsal (where I was helping backstage) I texted him that I was getting excited because it surely must be getting close. He replied, “Remain vigilant in the confident expectancy of good things. That is an order.”  I pointed out that I was at the school and maybe it was something I’d miss if I wasn’t at home. He said “No, it will find you. It may be subtle. It may be sublime. It may manifest itself in a smile only you understand. It may be a blessing that others notice before you do. You may be the last to know. It may be a warm glow that makes you feel all cuddly and fine. It’s hard to say. Just be ready.”

The anticipation of something wonderful kept me present all day right down to the moment-by-moment experience of it. This isn’t typical...I’m used to spinning a lot of plates, double or triple tasking. As a focus technique, it reminded me of a person I used to know who inserted “so you know what I did then?” every time a more socially aware person would just leave a little space to let someone else speak. Even when I didn’t give a rat’s bum what she did then—and while I was fully aware that she was just flossing her ego with my attention—I stayed with her in spite of myself. Anticipation can be a powerful weapon for mind control. This time, however, the good intentions that came with this bolstering prediction gave a positive spin and a little shine to my outlook.

The net result was a deeply felt, soft smiley day made up of all these singular moments.

Here’s the rub—that day brought news so sad I had to use my gills to breathe for a while. In fact, I would have descended right on down into the abyss but there it was—a mobile of goodness twinkling and circling my mind because I’d been told that a good thing was coming. I just kept looking at everything from that perspective. I took time to appreciate my dog’s snout adorned with a green rim of lake algae; a backstage full of costumed teenagers enunciating LINAMENT CINNAMON, UNIQUE NEW YORK with froggy-wide mouths; my dad stacking a cord of wood on my front porch just in time for the cold weather setting in. And then my deaf son texted me about an amazing, heart-swelling insight he had about himself that was just so inspiring for me to read.

It was one of those spectacular things we all wait for as parents of a deaf child...a moment of validation of a choice made years ago not knowing if it would turn out to be the right one. The thing is that there were many points along the way when the choice didn’t seem to be the right one, but we just kept doing the best we could in the day we were in. Our intentions were good.

To see the possibilities with great anticipation of highest outcomes is also a choice. It’s not always easy to see that, so it’s good to have friends remind us that something good is going to happen—and it will, even if it takes a long time to see it through. Wait for it.

© Leeanne Seaver, November 20, 2013

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