Posts Tagged ‘deaf identity’

Katie McCarthy: Growing Up with Dual Identities

January 24, 2019

Today, I am a career-driven married woman, happily pursuing the little moments in life with a passion for human services, teaching, traveling, cooking and animals.

Ten years ago, I didn’t think it would even be possible to be married–and twenty years ago, I only had a glimpse into what life would be like for Deaf individuals.

Back then, I knew I could pursue any dream and I wanted to be a writer, however, I only met a few Deaf adults until college so I had a limited view of the opportunities that lay ahead as a Deaf individual. And back then, as a member of the LGBT community, my views were narrow, full of others’ fears and opinions thrust upon me, not my own happiness. Once I realized that I had to love myself first, that my worth and happiness were important and I was surrounded by people who saw me for who I was as a person, not my identities, my perceptions changed as I grew older.

When I was born, two identities were gifted to me. I was born profoundly Deaf, due to a premature birth, into a hearing family. I also realized I was not straight. Growing up with these two identities were honestly just like having two arms and legs, ten fingers and toes, green eyes, and a beating heart. I didn’t know any different inward. But outward, I realized quickly that growing up with dual identities was not simple. Many factors were at play – others’ opinions and social perceptions – and I had to navigate them.

I focused on growing up as a Deaf person first, and kept my second identity at bay for a long time. I thought it was impossible to grow up with two identities. It would be too much and people would look at me through different lenses if I revealed my second identity. And when that happened, I found I was still breathing. I survived. Many children and young adults do not (are not able to) speak up about it and feel safe in the process.

The five main things I would have told my younger self are:

1. Be gentle with yourself.
2. You are more resilient than you think.
3. Connect with those that you trust to be yourself with.
4. Meet others who are or have gone on similar journeys as yours.
5. Don’t change who you are for anyone else.

I want to tell these children and adults who grow up being Deaf and a member of the LGBT community – you are loved just as who you are. And I want to tell their parents that, even though it may feel overwhelming walking by your child through their identity journey when you may not have been on either yourself before you met your child, your child is just meant to be exactly who they are. Nurture the core of who they are, focus on the things they CAN do, meet other adults like them, and help them thrive. It is important to ensure the child is heard, understood and loved first, and then go through the journey with them, not above them.

Once I realized my worth, things naturally fell into place. I met my wife and we have a rich life together–full of laughter, faith and adventure. I have to pinch myself sometimes. How did I get so lucky? Then I realize immediately after, these two identities are a gift…and I embrace them wholly.

 

Katie McCarthy can be reached via karen@handsandvoices.org –she is willing to talk with families who have children with dual identities. 

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Ellie Parfitt: How I Became Known as the Deafie Blogger

February 1, 2018

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My name is Ellie Parfitt and I’m known as The Deafie Blogger.

I was born with a bilateral profound sensori-neural hearing loss, into a hearing family who had no experience of deafness. It wasn’t until I was 9 months old that I was diagnosed, and I received my first hearing aids at 10 months.

My family decided to try and teach me to speak, rather than sign language because they had no knowledge of deafness or family members who were deaf. They didn’t receive much advice on communication choices. My Mum was struggling with the diagnosis, even to the point of not accepting it, so speech to her was the only choice at the time. Nowadays, there appears to be a lot more information, so hopefully a family can make an informed choice, what is best for the child and the family.

It was only years of constant repetition, support from my Teacher of the Deaf and Speech Therapy sessions that I’ve managed to get my speech to where I am today.

I attended mainstream Primary and Secondary School. I was the only deaf girl at school, which meant engaging with my hearing peers was difficult. I was a fun, sociable person and was always up for making new friends. However, being among hearing teens meant that society was quite judgmental. There were times that I came home from school upset, because my friends left me out of group conversations. My amazing Mum kept telling me that they’re not worth it, and to focus on school work and they might not be the right friends for me.

Although I had a Learning Support Assistant/Notetaker at school, all the time after school and at weekends were spent catching up on school work and going over things I didn’t understand. Eventually, all the hard work and determination pulled off and I am so proud of the grades I achieved, including top grades in German and Media Studies.

Looking back, I’d love to tell my teenage self that all that work has paid off and those so-called ‘friends’ weren’t worthy of my time or friendship. Now, I have jobs that I love and true friends who actually care about me and are accepting of my deafness.

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In 2015, I became quite frustrated of life with a hearing loss, the challenges and obstacles that I kept facing. I was looking for other deaf role models to see if I could read anything to help me, but I couldn’t find that person. I also desired somewhere to express my thoughts, so my boyfriend suggested writing a blog.

That’s when ‘Deafie Blogger’ was born. I write about my life as a deaf person, different experiences and challenges that occur, and how I overcome obstacles. I noticed that people were commenting on my blogs of how they could relate to my experiences and that they were glad they weren’t the only one. This motivated me to keep on writing and inspiring deaf people.

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I got invited to deaf events and presentations, and I realised that some deaf people were signing to me, but I didn’t understand what they were saying! I was then intrigued about the language and I joined a class to start learning British Sign Language. Even the little signs I know, I’m able to have a small conversation with some people which is quite rewarding.

As well as working in Marketing and blogging in my spare time, I love campaigning for deaf rights and raising deaf awareness everywhere I go.

Living with a hearing loss can be challenging at times, but it’s important not to let it stand in the way of achieving your goals. My motto is: ‘Deaf people can achieve anything they dream of, given the right support!’

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You can read my blogs here: www.deafieblogger.com

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